I went shopping and found a cute elephant pendant, so I bought it for him. I didn’t tell him why I specifically chose the elephant design, but one day he’ll know this:

One of the first things I learned about him was that his mom has Alzheimer’s Disease and can’t even remember him or his siblings clearly. They say an elephant never forgets and so to me that symbolized the importance of memories, so I got it for him.

I don’t expect anything in return; I just want him to know I care.

At first, I didn’t understand. Now I do. I can’t say I agree with their decision entirely, but I do see why they choose to avoid a label. I mean, movie genres like “Horror” and “Comedy” were invented by marketing companies to provide context for a movie. But, it subconsciously influences us. So if a movie is sold as a “horror” and winds up being more of a “Thriller”, the gore lover is extremely disappointed. Pre-dispositions and expectations are funny like that. I guess that’s where labels ruin things.

The guy I’m dating is wonderful. We spend almost every waking moment together and are such a perfect fit for each other. Yet, the second I asked if he wanted to be boyfriends, things got all weird. I ruined what we had by trying to force a label on us.

In my defense, I love labels because it shows my pride in the relationship and also my choice in partner. But alas, relationships are not food products so they don’t always need labels.

What’s your experience with labels?

I was once asked how I judge intelligence, to which I replied:

“How quickly someone learns from their mistakes.”

You see, everything you’ve done wrong, done right and didn’t do when you should have is all documented here. I suggest you use it and learn from your mistakes. It will come in handy for your next attempt at love. Things obviously didn’t work out between you and I. Remember what worked and use that magic to make someone else happy.

Here are some quick relation tips for you:

• Do things only because you want to, not because you think that’s what they want.
• Share everything with him: your accomplishments, your failures, your thoughts.
• Be supportive. You may disagree with his hobbies/passions, but show support.

I really hope that helps. I hope you want to see me happy because I want to see you happy. Just don’t call me ever again

I opened the show, which is as nerve-wracking as it can get. Luckily, I had some liquid courage in me that helped me with some new material I wrote. New material is always tricky because you don’t know if it’ll work or not. I have a weird sense of humor, so creating jokes that are relatable and funny to someone else is … challenging. Especially since most of my jokes are about gay stuff — and I don’t mean it in that derogatory “that’s gay!” way. I mean my jokes are about dildos, Betty White and other stuff gay men like. See what I mean about having a tough time making it relatable? So far, so good though.

Here’s one of my jokes:

Gay men love white women who sing like black women…Adele, Amy Winehouse (Gaga rest her soul) and Justin Bieber.

I was told the honesty and boldness behind my humor is what makes me great to watch. I’ve also been told my jokes are smartly crafted, which is great. One of the things I need to work on is not laughing at my own jokes. Apparently, it makes the audience not think it’s funny anymore, which I agree with. I can’t help myself sometimes tho, I’m someone who laughs at himself A LOT in real life.

Someone said I should take my gay humor around the gay venues in Hawaii. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea.

So remember how I said he felt like a sure thing? Well, turns out I was wrong. We’ve spent every waking moment together, growing closer and closer. We made each other happy, the “happiest he’s ever been in a long time” to quote him. To me, the next logical step was to make him mine. In a bold move mixed with romanticism and sentimentality, I asked him to be my boyfriend. He squirmed a bit in my embrace and after what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a minute, he finally said “no.”

I was utterly crestfallen. He felt terrible and explained that it wasn’t me. He explained that he needed to work on healing from his last relationship before committing to a new one. Call me foolish, but I think anything can be worked out *together* when two people love each other. He disagreed, saying that I give 100% while he feels only capable of giving only 50% right now; I deserve more, he says.

I can understand his desire to fix himself, but it is unsettling that he is asking me to wait for an indeterminable amount of time. I asked how I will know when he’s ready? How will he know? He continued to say I was amazing and worth so much more. I bitterly think to myself “If I’m so amazing, why don’t you want to be with me?”

Perhaps the most saddening aspect is that, much like the cowboy protagonists in Brokeback Mountain, here we have two people who obviously love each other and are much happier together — yet to walk away from something so sure in a time when true love is so hard and nearly impossible to come by, well that’s the tragic part.