The 19yo and I are dunzo. We’ve split following a very ludicrous argument that only served as a testament to his immaturity and deceitfulness.
I’ll spare you the details, but here’s an interesting milestone moment of our last conversation:
(after asking why he looks at other boys, though I am standing next to him): “why do you like me?”
“I don’t know. I think you’re interesting. And cool. I still haven’t figured it out”
“Well, what you see is what you get, so if you can’t figure out what you like about me now, you still won’t after 3 months or 3 years…”
Oh yeah, he also confessed to not being able to see me more than just a good friend. I asked if he knew what love was and had the capacity to do so. He replied yes. That being said, I knew I wasn’t the right one for him.
The he packed his things and left. I’m more pissed off than bummed.
After a long walk with a friend to talk things over, I went online to test out a theory. Sure enough, the 19yo was already online cruising for a new boy to string along. I sent him a final email that said:
how predictable. I had to take a walk to get over you, while you log on to get off. Apparently, I didn’t mean that much to you. I feel like such a fool
Of course I got no response. I was so insulted.
But then I tried to forget about him by thinking about the monologue from one of my favorite movies “American Beauty”:
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.
Filed under: Pearls of Wisdom, Rants, love, lust, relationships | Tagged: american beauty, breakup, date, dating, kid, love, online, relationship, teen
I can’t express how sorry I am for you, nor how much your experience eerily mirrored mine with a previous (younger) ex. But you’re approaching the experience with much dignity and grace, my friend, feeling gratitude for every single moment of our stupid little lives…because those moments, blissful or painful, help make us who we are.
Be well and strong.
[...] He sent me photos of himself lying in bed, supposedly thinking of me and wishing he was by my side. Once, he requested to sleep over at my place and just hang out. I didn’t say anything to prompt it, he just asked. Of course I declined, I am afraid to get involved with another 19 year old after the last one. [...]