Blonde leading the blind

Being brown is a great thing. I know this now, but this epiphany didn’t come to me until after years and years of torturous thoughts and superficial sadism.

I distinctly recall a period in my life when I’d stand in front of the mirror and curse my skin color and facial features. The things that made me special. I’d pull out my nose to see what I’d look like with a pointed one instead of the flat one I was born with. I would open my eyes wider to get rid of the asian slant in them. I bleached my hair to try and get it as blonde as blonde could be. I’d get dissapointed and disgruntled when the bleach would only make my jet black hair a burnt brown color after burning my scalp for two hours. Why all this torture? Was I enjoying doing all of this? Was it some new fetish I had developed? Actually, it was an obsession. I wanted to be white.

White is the dominant race. I wasn’t doing it for the power struggle, though. In Hawaii, white people are the minority. I was doing it for senseless superficial reasons. It was because white people were so glorified on TV and media that I felt so inadequate when compared to them. Comments that my friends (and even my boyfriend at the time) about white guys would only compell me to feel even more worthless. I wanted to have blue or green eyes. I wanted that. And I was convinced that until I had those features, I’d be ugly.

It’s amazing how far some people will go to try and alter their looks. To be something you’re not is an art form. I haven’t gone to the extreme and I don’t think I will, but some people have had plastic surgery and bleached their skin and hair in an effort to appear lighter in pigment.

Fortunately for me, this story has a happy resolution. I’ve since come to the realization that I am fine the way I am. My slanted eyes, black hair, tan skin, flat nose, full lips and body type are all special things. I am me and I won’t ever wish I wasn’t ever again. I hope that by being so prevalent in the online world I can serve as a sign that being who you are is a beautiful and sexy thing.