My boyfriend is a naturally friendly person, a trait I adore. Lately though, I’ve been getting jealous of certain interactions he’s been having. I can’t quite put my finger on it and it’s driving me insane.
First off, I was jealous over his interactions with one kid (and I am being literal here) he has no attraction to. I don’t know exactly why I was jealous. Maybe I thought he secretly liked him and wouldn’t admit it, maybe the kid secretly likes him and I magically sense that. Who knows? I wish matters of the heart were scientific so I could explain it. When I brought it up with my BF, he was surprised by it and rationed I have no reason to be jealous and said:
not to alarm you, but there are other people I think you’d be more jealous of…
Needless to say, I was alarmed. Now all I can think about is: If not this kid, then who? Who should I be worried about that he interacts with?
Someone posed a “who would you sleep with?” truth-or-dare style question to him and he dodged it, knowing his response would make me upset. I honestly don’t know what would make me more upset: knowing or not knowing?
If he tells me who he would hypothetically sleep with, how would I react? Part of me would want him to stop interacting with that person, but part of me wants him not to do anything different.
None of this is his fault. I can’t blame him for his attractions; The heart wants what it wants…or rather, the penis wants what it wants. What I’m struggling to overcome is my jealousy and my inferiority complex. I get this way sometimes. I feel like I’m not doing enough to keep him happy (though I am doing my very best!) and so he must get conversation or emotional support – or visual sexiness – from someone else within his sphere of friends.
How do you cope with jealousy?
Filed under: Rants, love, relationships | Tagged: complex, inferior, jealousy, loathing, self | Leave a Comment »
